Psychoanalyze This
by TimelessTears
Summary: Stuck in an interrogation room at 3AM for a crime he didn't commit for once , bored out of his mind as well as the need to pee,and more than a little annoyed, the Joker decides to turn the tables on the Caped Crusader so to speak.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the Dark Knight.**

**"_Without psychoanalysis we should never know that when we think a thing the thing we think is not the thing we think but only the thing that makes us think we think the thing we think we think."_**

_** -Unknown**_

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Ah, the interrogation room. Such a neutral room with its grimy off-white walls and dark two-way mirror enraptured by the sallow lights on the ceiling.

It really needed some more color, the Joker thought with a grin as he sat silently at the table, waiting for someone to enter the room. Too bad they had patted him down and took away all his fun toys. A thought hit him. Hmm, maybe he _could _add some color to the dreary room. After all, he did have to go the bathroom and it always got the snow yellow when you tried to spell out your name. He could draw a flower on the wall or something.

He probably would have done it, but the possible consequences of doing so popped into his mind. First he'd be in a stinky room (not something he felt like doing at the moment), then the police force would make him clean it up (they had no sense of humor), but most important of all would be that his drawing would melt! After all, liquid obeys gravity when it's on a horizontal surface. . .

So a no-go on peeing on the wall to quench his boredom. Poo.

As he was considering biting his thumb (red WAS a pretty color and blood dried much faster than piss) the door banged open and his most favortist person in the whole ,big, wide, fat world came barging in, making all thoughts of drawing on walls with body fluids rush out of his mind.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii Batman." The Joker said with a big smile, blowing the Caped Crusader a kiss. The said crusader wasted no time stalking over to the clown and bashing his head against the table.

"Is there a reason why you always go for my head first, or do you just have some kind of head bashing fetish?" The Joker asked rubbing his forehead.

"Where are they?" Batsy grounded out, his fist tightening in anger. The man with the Glasgow smile blinked at him in confusion.

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Nooooooo, you're not making any sense Batty." Next thing he knew, two gloved hands (black of course . . . had this man never heard of color?) grabbed a hold of his shirt and drew up 'till he was face to face with his interrogator.

"Don't try to pretend you don't know! Two very wealthy people have gone missing, a multi-millionaire heiress and a very well known and sought after doctor. Your insignia was found in both their homes."

"Uh, I don't know if you realize this but I've been, ah, _away. _Arkham doesn't really let us know what's going on in the outside world. It's, uh, counter-productive." He giggled as he found himself being roughly thrown back into his seat.

"Do you think we're stupid?" Why yes, actually the Joker did find that most of Gotham was filled with stupid people. " You think just because you were in Arkham that it will save you? We know you still have henchmen out there." He did? He didn't know that. "And you crazy enough to pull something like that. You've done it before. In this very room in fact!" His Batman finished in an enraged yell. Probably thinking of Harvey Dent and Rachel Dawes but the Joker wasn't focused on that.

Crazy.

The Batman had called him crazy. Oh, he'd done it before, but for some reason it bothered the Joker more than usual. Perhaps it was because he'd been rudely taken from his padded room at Arkham at three in the morning and then made to sit in this stupid room without any explanations for over an hour, and then when someone did come, they accused him of a crime he didn't do and then had the nerve to call him crazy.

He philosophy was to never be too serious ( he read those Harry Potter books and he always had the urge to blow up that character. Actually all the characters, but mostly that one) but tonight he would make an exception. He would not be serious (that would be blasphemy) but he would get as close as he would allow himself.

Annoyed. He would settle for being annoyed.

Wiping the grin off his face he shot Batman a fierce glare before hissing out in poisonous tone, "For the last time **I am not crazy**."

This wasn't the reaction Batman expected. He expected giggling, nasty grins, and a few mind games before the Joker admitted he did it and then give the location of where the hostages were. Something along those lines anyway. He did not expect a rather somber clown to be glaring at him (a rather frightening glare) so forgive him, it threw him off his game a little.

"Wha-" He was cut off by a rather upset clown.

"_**C**__ra__**zy**_: mentally deranged; demented; insane. _I__**ns**__an__**e**_: not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged. _D__**e**__ra__**ng**__ed_: disordered; disarranged." The Joker said, ticking the definitions off with his fingers. "Crazy also implies that one is unaware of their doings; that they cannot help but be how they are, well let me tell you something **Bat**boy, I know exactly what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it. It's called _accomplishing a goal. People do it __**every day**__."_

Batman opened his mouth but the Joker wasn't done.

"And yes by the way, I _**do **_think Gotham is filled to the brim with fools who couldn't tell the difference between Halogens and Noble gases! Hah! The fact that this city is still hasn't crumbled under the pressure of moronity is a miracle!"

"The citizens of Gotham have excellent standardized test scores." Batman said, trying to sound tough and intimidating, but it sounded weak even to his own ears.

"Test scores?! I'm not talking about standardized test scores! Anyone can pass those things! Especially if they just learned about the subjects on it. Make 'em take it again in five years and see how well they do! But I digress, I'm not saying their morons because they aren't book smart. I'm calling them for what they are because they _lack_ what you all seem to assume _**I**_ lack: common sense. Face it Batsy, only about ten people in this whole damn city are smart."

"You-"

"The fact that they can't figure out who _you _are is more than enough evidence to prove my point." There was silence for a moment and Joker took the moment to enjoy the shock he felt radiating off of the most interesting person he'd ever met.

"You're bluffing."

"Y'know, I bet you're the kind of person who sees everything as B.W. That's the abbreviation for black and white, just you, uh, _know_." Batman was quiet for a moment. The Joker watched in curiosity for a moment, but alas he was tired and still more than a little annoyed.

"It wasn't that hard." He started out loudly, startling Batman. "Just like it isn't hard to assume that some sort of traumatic experience happened to you when you younger. Your parents probably bit the dust in some obscure way, leaving you devastated and filled with a felling of self loss at the fact that there was nothing you could do to save them as well as rage. You then probably decided to go on some journey to find yourself again, ended up in some places-some good, some bad- that warped your views of the world _even more,_ to the point that you know feel it is your duty to protect people, who, frankly speaking, could protect themselves if they just pulled their heads out of their ass's and paid attention. Judging from all this I can say with complete and total honesty that you are probably much crazier than I am."

Again, silence.

"Well? Was I on the mark?" The Joker said with a grin. His answer came in the form of a fist crunching into his cheek bone.

"Shut up! We are not here to talk about me or the citizens of Gotham. We are here so I can find out where those two people you kidnapped are and **you are going to tell me**." Batman said in a gruff and deadly voice.

"All right Bats, you got me. I'll tell ya everything I know, in fact it will also prove that the Gotham City Police are still as dumb as last time. Discounting Commissioner Gordon of course, he's semi-smart in my book."

"Just get to the point." Batman growled before the Joker got off track again.

"Okay, okay. So here's the deal." The clown lowered his voice to a whisper as if he was sharing a magnificent secret. "There are these things that happen some times after really, uh, _productive, _andgory crimes are committed." His voice was getting softer and softer 'till he finally beckoned Batman over with his index finger. Sighing in exasperation, Batman leaned down (still on guard in case the Joker did something).

". . . it's called the Copycat effect. THE HIGHEST FORM OF FLATTERY,REALLY. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!" The Joker screamed the last part out as loud as he could. The Caped Crusader jerked away, rubbing his ear the best he could (which, really wasn't that effective with his disguise on).

"You honestly think anyone believes that?"

". . .if they did I would consider thinking of Gotham's citizens as Homo Sapiens instead of Neanderthals. Look, just listen for a moment, will 'ya? One, I only take hostages if I can gain something profitable from it. And no, I don't mean money. It's never about money with me, you should at least know that by now. Seconded, my, uh, insignia? Is that what you called it? Anyway, I never put my insignia on something like a wall. That's just stupid. I put it on the faces of my,ah, _examples_. Annnnnndddddd in allll the time that you've known me, with allllll the great fun we've had together, can you recall even once where I left a building standing? Nope. That is why I say to you, _c'est du meme genres_. Now then, I love seeing you an all Batsy, but I'm really tired and I sorta need to, uh, pee, real bad, so could you please just believe me this once so I can go to the bathroom and then go back to sleep? I promise I'll make it up in lies and mind games the next time we meet."

He hated to admit it, but for once the Joker sounded rather reasonable. He was still a little shook up that the Joker knew who he was (and his frightening accurate guess on his past), and it was almost five a.m (they had been the interrogation room for a long time, Bruce realized). He gave a nod toward the two-way mirror letting Gordon know he was done.

"All right, we're done. But if you're lying, I'll come to Arkham and beat the truth out of you!" He growled at the clown.

"Hey now, don't get all huffy just 'cause I psycho analyzed _you_ for a change." The Joker said, once again grinning has two police officers led him out. "And hey, come by Arkham, anytime! You'd fit right in!" The clown cackled as he was manhandled down the hallway.

Annoyed beyond belief, Batman banged his ahead against the wall.

Stupid clown.

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**(1)F.Y.I: The Joker was in Arkham when the Copycats took over. Bruce should have been able to tell the difference between the Joker's attacks and these ones, but for the sake of the story I made him a tad stupid.**

**(2)Halogens are electronegative elements that form binary-salts with metals. Noble gasses have good stability and low reaction rates, while Halogens do not. Guess which one the Joker is.**

**(3)B.W= Bruce Wayne, B.W= Black and white.**

**(4)Homo Sapiens are people. Neanderthals, according to science, are what we evolved from. Well, some of us, according to the Joker.**

**(5)Copycat effect is a replication of a crime already committed. **_**c'est du meme genres **_**translated roughly from French means "Its copycats." I don't know French, I just used a translator.**

**(6)The Joker gets analyzed all the time. I thought it'd be cool if he turned the table on Bats.**

_**Hope you enjoyed the fic!**_


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